IndianIdiots

This is one of the funniest phonecalls I have ever heard....

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Allow ur Boss to talk first

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to
a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three,

I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish.

I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.

"Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted

"I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and
cocktails.

"Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office

after lunch ".



MORAL OF THE STORY:_

Always allow the boss to speak first

Men are better friends!!!!

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends, and none of them confirms that.


Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends : 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he is still there with them !


Conclusion of the story:
Men are better friends!!!!

Top 20 replies

Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work



20. "That's weird..."

19. "It's never done that before."

18. "It worked yesterday."

17. "How is that possible?"

16. "It must be a hardware problem."

15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"

14. "There is something funky in your data."

13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"

12. "You must have the wrong version."

11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."

10. "I can't test everything!"

9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."

8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."

7. "Somebody must have changed my code."

6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"

5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?

4. "You can't use that version on your system."

3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"

2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:


1."It works on my machine"

Hey Friends............. completely read this and follow these

1. Search for a not-most-beautiful girl.

Find a way to talk to her. Finding a reason depends on your
skill.

You have to find a reason because she would never approach no
matter how frustrated she is.

2. If you don't succeed got to step 1 again.

3. Start with some concrete point and slowly slowly shift to her
personal details.

4. Ask her for coffee like: "You are busy right?". She will say
"No".and then "You don't like coffee?".

No direct thing like "Would you please come for coffee with me?"

5. Asking for lunch:

When she has finished her lunch, approach her and ask "Had
lunch?". She will say "Yes".

Than say "Hey, you didn't call me". Next day she will call you.
No direct pleading like: "Please have a lunch with me."

6. Well, how to ask for having coffee outside (in some café):

Tell her that this coffee is not good. Tell some technical
reason. Then tell her that that café nearby serves a damn good coffee.

Next day either she will ask or you ask her in some indirect
fashion.

7. When you want her to take on some outing...

"You know last evening it was really a great fun. We all friends
went to ABC park.

It's a beautiful place..cool breeze..Complete silenece.. no
clamouring..No rush..Wow..We enjoyed a lot."

Hopefully next time she will ask herself to take her to that
place.

if she doesn't, ask "Hey lily, we are going to ABC park. Are
you coming?"

She will. No compelling..Nothing..

8. If you don't succeed go to step 5 again.

9. When you cross the road, she needs help. Just hold her hand and
help crossing..

This will be your first time when you are touching her. Don't be
excited. Pretent as if everything is normal.

Now even after crossing the road don't leave her hand. Evening
while talking.

If she throws your hand away..and gets serious.. Just get up
and sit far from her and say "is that fine now?"..

Show a bit of anger..and make her realize that she is a very
backward and has no sense of new society..

"Don't know in what era you are living".

10. If you don't get a chance to hold her hand, just be patient till
you drag discussion to some Palmist's story.

11. Now 50% part is finished.

12. Keep on playing small tricks..

Try insinuating thoughts into her mind:"Aishe mat dekho. Pyar ho
jayega..hehe:)(followed by smiles)".

13. rest is on you..

14. NEVER EVER SAY 'I LOVE YOU'..THIS IS THE MOST

FATAL STATEMENT...IF SPOKEN BEFORE COMPLETE FLOURISHMENT OF
LOVE.

Theory: When you say the things like "I LOVE YOU"," I love you
so much"," I can't live without you". It means you have completely
given your self into her hands and you are on her sympathy now.

She would never fall for you...and if u rnt rich she would
never marry..

"Tum bas ek friend ban kar rah jaoge"...

Actually, The whole system is made up of small units having
relation of master-slave.(as per Lacan)

Once you propose or say the things like "I love you..I can't
live without you"..you become slave.

15. If you really want to admire(not adore) her:

"Hey, pink color suits you. You are looking cute". "I like the
way you say " oh.no""...etc etc.

"ADMIRE IN INSTALLATIONS".

16. On phone..Always hang the phone before she does.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you. bla bla bla...

I have got some call We will talk in the evening/after some
time".


Patches & updates will arrive
soon...................

Kalam V/S Bush

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam hat his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says,

"Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!"

Spine Chillers 1

The air hostess, as she passed along the aisle of the plane on the transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to New York, she noticed that the baby, nestled between the couple who were asleep, didn't look very well, in fact it looked extremely ill. Not wanting to disturb anyone she gently lifted up the baby and took it back to her station. Feeling the baby's forehead, she found it was cold and with a sudden panic she realized that the infant was dead. ling upon a doctor she knew to be on board, he examined the baby and confirmed that, not only was it dead, but it was embalmed. The child's body had been hollowed out and it was full of the drugs that the couple was trying to smuggle into the States.

___________________________________________________________

A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a trange
sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand. She is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads 'Humans can lick too,"

Do read......

Aamir Khan, Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try theirbest to avoid them, Aamir accidentally steps on one. Along comes St.Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!" The next day, Vivek Uberoi steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St.Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the Aamir Khan. Salman observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to two months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, sexy AishwaryaRai. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. Salman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" She says, I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I STEPPED ON A DUCK..... MY BAD LUCK...!!!

To All my Friendzz

If I were in Hell and you were in Heaven, I'd always look up and be proud of you. But, if I were in Heaven and you were in Hell, I'd ask God to send me down, because Heaven isn't Heaven without you.